Kasiadih, Hazaribagh – My last Stop before coming Home

It’s been quite some time since I’ve been back and to be honest. I have only felt anchored back in the pass three weeks.  I experienced a re-entry culture shock, along with post traumatic stress (PTS) from Nepal and the feeling of being disconnected preventing me from connecting with my creative writing.  It is nice to be back in, to reconnected with this creative energy and be able to share my continued experiences.

After leaving Nepal, my journey took me back to India in Kasiadih which is a small village or hamlet located in the district of Jharkhand.  In this beautiful community, you will find the Santhal tribes which are the largest indigenous tribes in India.

 The  primary language spoken is Santhali.  It is not uncommon to find a large percent of the community literate, the more reason it is important to educate the children.

Their basic human values which are the essence of who they are consist of simplicity, truthfulness, respect of elders, caring and sharing cooperation, communitarian life-styles, human spirituality, collective joy which are very visible in their community.

 

 

They are known for happy people, being joyous, content even in the worst conditions, they continue to live blessed with their own simplistic and happy world.  I found this to be a true testimony the whole time I stayed with them.

Daily traffic, farmers taking their animals to be grazed

    

Farmers getting ready for planting potatoes

              

Women’s work never end’s!!! 

They don’t have any temples or worship an ideal, instead they are connected to the forest and their ancestors.  Being part Native myself, I felt very connected to their way of living as we had many similarities such as the drums, dancing, being one with nature and their connection to the animals.  They are truly one of the kindness, warmest people I met in my whole journey and I felt honored to be among them.

                       

My connection to them was Sister Gemma, I knew I was meeting three Medical Missionary sisters that devoted their life to service and the community.  I felt so blessed to have the opportunity to be there and like the rest of my travels, I had no plans or any idea of what my role would be or how I would contribute but as I’ve done along the way, I trusted knowing their was a greater plan and it would be revealed all in due time.

Below are some of the creative ideas and projects that was introduced!!

Hurray, Hurray for Cleaning Day!!

India is known from outsiders as being a continent that is filled with garbage. Unfortunately this is true in most states due to the lack of infrastructure. In order to change this perspective, the government has launched a campaign to clean and this program was introduced to all the schools.

 

The teachers had to educate the kids on the hazard of throwing out garbage and how it affects not only the environment such as agriculture, and paddy field but also the animals. The plastic waste plugs up in the cows intestine and they end up suffering before dying. This on-going issue makes it difficult for the farmers to plough, making their work much more challenging.

 

We gathered at 6:30am and started drumming, marching, yelling out the message to keep the village clean.  The youth lead us and was the key to inspire the younger ones

In the village, the kids had a daily required task to do towards this campaign and what better way to support them and the village by getting involved. We first had a village meeting to discuss our ideas and thought if we worked together, everyone would benefit since our main focus was outside the village. This area is close to the vendors and the few homes in this area are renters. To come into the village, one must pass this area that is usually filled with garbage.

 

We decided since it was garbage day, we would take the opportunity to go in this area and educate those that are living there and try to inspire them to keep the area clean and emphasize that it’s the entrance of the village and the importance of keeping it clean.

 

 

Although some resisted in going in this idea, the outcome was amazing! The people in this area also participated in cleaning and took more pride in keeping the area clean.

What you saw was a community coming together, it didn’t matter who lived were, the focus was to clean our environment.

 

It is the next generation that will make a difference, therefore, training them young to better understand the importance of looking after the environment.  

 

 

 

We all know this is not the solution to a huge problem that has been going on for generation, it is important as a community and a nation to look for a long term solution, one that will take care of the issues keeping in mind the environment and the animals that depend on us

 

In the end, we accomplished so much more than we imagined. We walked for two hours and cleaned up many areas.

The village rewarded the children with Beaten Rice

Dhanyabad/Thank you
♥

Response To a Genuine Need!!

Welcome to our “Sewing Event”. Although it is not possible to buy all the kids in the village new cloths, we came up with the most practical thing a “sewing day”. This would allow us to fix all the children’s cloths by adding buttons, hemming pants, dresses, removing zippers and replacing it with material so the girls could wear the dresses without pins.

To make this event successful, we had three sewing machines.

         

The kids would line up for the machines to get their cloths mended

We also had a section to cut material as well as stitch.

        

Sometimes we would sew the cloths when it was still on the child. This sewing meditation put her to sleep for over an hour.

 What an amazing turnout this was,
truly a wonderful day.

This event brought awareness into an apparent need and something that will continue on a monthly basis. Some of the girls learned how to put on buttons, boys were learning how to use the sewing machine, as well as hemming their own cloths, it was very impressive!!

Below was the button section, were older girls and Sister Bina would put on button and stitch.

This day inspired so many, the children, the elders and the village. As I sat stitching, I took a moment to look around and was amazed at the community oneness. The kids helping each other, looking over each other making sure their cloths was stitched, the older girls sewing not only their own cloths but that of other families, everyone was helping someone. This brought a wonderful feeling of community, oneness, together we were supporting one another in joy and happiness. At the end, the children asked when will the next session be? From this feedback, we knew this was not only a successful event but one that brought so much joy, community awareness and most of all fun in such a simple project.

At the end, everyone got cucumbers and 2 pieces of Samosa, they loved it!!

 

     

Yum, so good!!

 Happy Kids eating samosa, something they never get..

In addition, during the annual society meeting, this event was brought up as one of the topics. When Nirmala soren, who worked with the mission as a nurse in 1996 and is now a member of the registered society heard of this event, she generously donated five machines to our center in order to help women learn how to sow.

This initiated the “Empowering Women Program” through sewing, education, on going monthly events that will touch many topics such as hygiene, healthy eating and self care programs for women in the community.

When a women becomes educated, she will educate the family, the village and will become the change India needs.

This ignited the idea to open two rooms attached to the health center that were being used as storage. One of the rooms is now being used as a sewing room and the other used for Education and sharing circles.

This day was filled with joy, laughter and so much fun.

During my stay, I was able to create a website for the Missionary Sister’s which was one of the requirements from head office.  With the help of the team, the following website was created.      http://casskj.in/

WHAT’S NEXT…..

I currently launched a Humanitarian Project called “Rainbow Bridge” to raise some funds to build a pedestrian bridge so the kids wouldn’t have to cross a river to walk a mile and half to school.

Please go to https://www.gofundme.com/RainbowBridge101  for all the details.

We thank you in advance for all your support towards this amazing gift for a deserved community.

The Sacred Turtle

Before leaving Canada, I was studying  The Medicine Path which is the Ojibwa Seven Grandfather teaching and it includes Humility, Caring, Kindness, Respect, Love, Strength and Humbleness.

One had to be committed for a year and be willing to come to the reservation once a month for teaching which also included a native sweat.  It was an honor to be part of these teaching and I now better understand the foundation it created for me for my travels.

After six months into the teaching, I advised the Elder and the rest of the group my plan to leave for India.  To my surprise, he was so happy for me and said ” Spirit has called you and you are ready for this request”. He suddenly gets up and brings back this beautiful ancient turtle that is made out of brass and looks Tibetan.  He said a women had brought this turtle to the village a long time ago and it now wanted to go back home.  He gave it to me to bring it back.

Although I was honoured, I felt this sense of responsibility and wondered how I would know were it belonged.  He told me to trust yourself, it will be shown, sound familiar???  It felt more to me like a sequel to Lord of the Ring!!

When I first started travelling, I walked with intention to make sure  I didn’t miss the signs.  This of course didn’t work, I found myself in my head all the time.  I knew I had to trust and just let it go.

So I asked Spirit to help me, to strengthen my intuition so when I arrive in the right place I could feel it deep in my heart.  Give me a sign that is so visible that Awakens in me the turtle energy which would be a reminder of my mission.  With this intent, I trusted and let it go completely and moved on with my journey through India.

Four months later, I arrive in Dharmalaya and saw the a labyrinth, it was something familiar and brought me back home and although I felt turtle energy, I didn’t make the connection yet.  The next day when I saw the  labyrinth, the energy was much stronger and during the tour of the grounds, the turtle energy was so strong and suddenly I remembered and made the connection, I heard the turtle speak to me “I am home”.

I couldn’t ignore the energy and when the tour was completed, I asked Mark about the  labyrinth, how it came about and what turtle met to him.   From his respond, I knew I had found the place and shared the story of the turtle and gave them the gift.  It was an emotional moment for both, the honour to receive this beautiful gift and for me the ultimate trust in myself that I would find the sacred ppace.

That very day, in fact only a few hours after, the workers started to take the old labyrinth apart.  Mark and I both felt this was a sign that something new wanted to be created.  We were going into one week silent retreat and I felt in this time, the energy would show me what it now needed to honour the new energy.  As I figured, during this time, I had an image and saw a labyrinth shaped into a turtle which made perfect sense.  I started making the drawing and what came out was this beautiful new path we created.

A few of us came

together and recreated this beautiful turtle labyrinth

        

 The Sacred Turtle is now on a mentor

In Memory of Peter Cole, a friend, mentor and loved Elder

During this time, a close friend and one I considered an Elder passed, I dedicate these teaching, this mystical journey and the Turtle energy to Peter, he was a loved man by many.  We sat many times by the sacred turtle fire in his lodge sharing stories but most off all I received many teachings.

I found the following information on both the labyrinth and the turtle and hope it speaks to you.  A labyrinth is the inner path to the heart, the most sacred place within yourself were truth will be revealed.

             

“Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.”
Caroline Adams

We are all on the path… exactly where we need to be.

The labyrinth is a model of that path. 

A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools.

A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. We can walk it. It is a metaphor for life’s journey. It is a symbol that creates a sacred space and place and takes us out of our ego to “That Which Is Within.”

Labyrinths and mazes have often been confused. When most people hear of a labyrinth they think of a maze. A labyrinth is not a maze. A maze is like a puzzle to be solved. It has twists, turns, and blind alleys. It is a left brain task that requires logical, sequential, analytical activity to find the correct path into the maze and out.

A labyrinth has only one path. It is unicursal. The way in is the way out. There are no blind alleys. The path leads you on a circuitous path to the center and out again.

The Hopi say “In his heart man felt the good of life, its sincere purpose. He was of One Heart. But there were those who permitted evil feelings to enter. They were said to be of Two Hearts.” Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.

— Chief Seattle

A labyrinth is a right brain task. It involves intuition, creativity, and imagery. With a maze many choices must be made and an active mind is needed to solve the problem of finding the center. With a labyrinth there is only one choice to be made. The choice is to enter or not. A more passive, receptive mindset is needed. The choice is whether or not to walk a spiritual path.

At its most basic level the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are

The masculine is sovereignty, the crown upon your soul. Felinity is humility and unconditional love, the heart within the breast of your soul and together they make the whole soul essence.
— St Germain: Twin Souls & Soulmates

Turtle Energy

Turtle Spirit Animal
The turtle totem wisdom teaches us about walking our path in peace and sticking to it with determination and serenity. Slow moving on earth, yet also incredibly fast and agile in water, those who have the turtle as totem or spirit animal may be encouraged to take a break in their busy lives and look around or within themselves for more grounded, long-lasting solutions. Traditionally, the turtle is symbolic of the way of peace, whether it’s inviting us to cultivate peace of mind or a peaceful relationship with our environment.

• Symbol of the world, of the Earth Ability to stay grounded, even in moments of disturbances and chaos
• Slowing down, pacing yourself
• Determination, persistence
• Emotional strength and understanding
• Ancient wisdom

The turtle is also linked to the spirit of the water and the fluid nature of emotions.

Turtle totem teachings for walking your path

The turtle totem symbolizes our peaceful walk on this earth. It represents the path we take as we embark on our journey through life.  In contrast to emotional or spiritual development occurring in bursts, the way of the turtle anchors our personal unfolding in a slow, more grounded series of steps and longer cycles of transformation.

Call this spirit animal for help when you need more grounding. You can also get help slowing down and pacing yourself, so you can take your next step with more confidence.

The Turtle has a shell protecting the softest part,  just like the heart.  

A couple months later, I received a forwarded email from someone that walked the labyrinth and received profound healing.  I was touched by the email and so happy to hear it was a useful tool, although not surprised for it was created with such love and wonderful intention.

He wanted to know more about the mandala with the turtle, the spiral path leading to the heart center that was deeply moving to walk on.  He wanted to know the story behind its creation, so this is how the above story came together.  I knew it would resonate with him and hope it will with you as well.

I was grateful for the opportunity to reflect the mystical journey I was on and a wonderful reminder of the ultimate gift of trusting myself.

The Gift from Nepal

 

In order to bring completion, I had to let go of certain experiences and sharing it is the best way.  This blog is more personal, sharing from our heart leaves us more vulnerable but that is the place to be if you want to heal and change your life.

Thank you for listening!

 ♥

It is impossible to determine or label one particular thing, for my journey evolved over time.  One thing is for sure, we can’t avoid immortality, it’s part of life and a process we will eventually all go through.  The question is when? I am no different and cannot escape this mystery that leaves us all questioning. This is especially true when we lose someone close or may have experienced a near “death” that leaves you realizing how fragile life truly is.

Being in Nepal during the earthquake shook me up and for the first time, I was scared for my own life.  The thought of losing my family and not seeing them again brought much sadness.  I witnessed things that left me numb, scared, confused, angry, emotional or crying like a child as I was also trying to understand what was happening around me. There were moments where it was so surreal, almost unbelievable and hard to accept and that’s when denial, numbness even going into shock comes as a gift to help you cope.

There are things we probably will never forget, yet this could be the moment where everything changes you.  I had one of those moments that changed me and at the same time inspired me.  After two days of sleeping outside, filled with frozen fear waiting for the next tremor to come, this elderly women near me collapsed.  She laid there breathless, exposed as her sari went up during her fall.  A man came along with a camera to take a picture, I was so angry and pushed him away.  I quickly covered her up with her sari, took her shall and covered her legs for she was so vulnerable.  Others were checking her pulse, splashing her with water but you could see she just wanted out.  That’s when I put my hands on her legs, started praying and asking God to be merciful, to bring her home for this was too much to bare.  I gave her all the love I could muster and when they finally lifted her lifeless body, I knew she was gone.  During that time I was numb, for I responded out of impulse.

Every experience we go through is filtered through a series of perception.  As we move through our experience, we tend to categorize it and add an emotion of good or bad depending how we are triggered by it.  This of course determines the outcome.

As I watched them take her away, this overwhelming feeling came over me and I sat there helpless in the middle of nowhere and cried uncontrollably from deep within my heart.  I surrendered to my fear and released all the emotions I was holding on to.  In the end, she was the gift, the gift of life, the gift of inspiration, the gift of hope but mostly the gift of love.  It took me some time to realise the  space I had created within me and the love that was waiting there to be placed in service.  Once we understand that life is so precious, we will see the sacredness in all things.

 “The Awakened Heart”

A couple weeks later, I was walking around the temples, the very place I almost lost my life and sat there asking God” Why was I saved? Why did I come here?  What is my purpose here? Please show it to me, bring me clarity so I can continue my journey in service.  Within a couple of days it was clear to me, I no longer had doubt for I knew I was met to be here and my purpose was to help those in need.

When you are familiar with your unconditional self and not limited by circumstances, you will see everything as perfect. 

When I look back on the elderly women who laid there exposed, part naked and vulnerable, it made me reflect.  We come naked, hiding from nothing!!   Why not live with this intention, without any mask , for we are always hiding who we really are.  Eventually, we remain unknown to ourself. We must gain insight to our own nature in order to understand our own existence through self observation. This of course is an on-going path process that eventually leads to freedom. “Dhamma” is the practice of a daily devotion to oneself, to connect, to go within and discover the true gifts that are waiting to be discovered within you through self observation.

So what does living naked mean?  It means living authentically, without hiding who you really are, what a gift this would be, not only to yourself but to others.

When we practice mindfulness and deepen our awareness, we will move beyond our limited way of thinking into an openness of new ideas, a different perspective with a transformed energy and outcome.  Then and only then, do we live fully in the moment with every breath of our being.  When we know who we are, we are ultimately more content and from this place, each breath brings you peace, joy and happiness.

With time, I realized everything changed yet I couldn’t pin point what that change was, I just knew I was different.  I had to find my own rhythm, my own path that would bring meaningful experiences. It was at this time when I became aware that I no longer needed or depended on others for validation or acceptance.  To me, finding our true path is one that helps you actualize your inner, enlighten qualities that each and everyone one of us have.

Spiritual journey enables us to discover the true essence of our being.  It is not what you do that matters; it is how genuine you do it.  When we are sincere, our path will reflect this. 

This journey has made me realize the true value of my life. By choosing a simple life, I followed a path that allowed me to explore who I thought I was and found who I truly am. It gave me opportunities to test my own limitations, for we become bound by our thoughts and emotions and rely on external happiness, approval and acceptance which make us dependent on our surroundings.

We gain strength by confronting ourself, by looking within to see what is hidden.  Nepal gave me many opportunities to test my limitations, my boundaries, my weakness, my strength, my fears, to embrace my shadow, and each time made me more self realized.

Living a simple life helped me see so many things.  In the end, how much do we really need? I became more comfortable with less and the more we let go of attachments to material things, the more we become free and are less bothered by trivial matters.

My grandmother used to say” one day at a time” giving ourself time to breath and appreciate life. When you are living simply, there is more space to ask “Why am I here?  What I’m I met to do with my life?  What is my purpose? Is what I am doing valuable and meaningful?  How am I contributing? These are all questions I often asked myself which guided me on my path and most importantly kept me more authentic.

Eventually, the environment started to bother me.  I was becoming more tired and noticed I was losing my enthusiasm. I was starting to react to things versus responding and I decided to take some time to step back in order to observe. My favorite thing to do was walk among the temple and do a puja, there I would sit and pray, ask for guidance if I needed it or maybe this was a time to reflect. That’s when I realized, I was no longer being authentic and it was time for me to go.

When our activities and actions are not with the purest intention, we lose enthusiasm and interest no matter how great it seems and we end up with disappointments because we are now attached to the outcome. When it doesn’t come from a pure heart, we limit our potential and stunt our growth. When our motives are pure, we can accomplish everything so easily and effortlessly.  But when we lack aspiration from a compassionate heart, we will not achieve anything worthwhile in our journey. Being in service with love will bring such joy and each breath will feel like a gift.

When we travel or walk this earth mindfully, we truly experience our world as a sacred place.   We are all on a lifelong journey to discover the heart of our true essence, for the purpose of living is to reach our fullest potentials.   When we remain completely present in the moment with awareness, then things will unravel naturally. I had to learn to accept and embrace things as they are.  See life just as it is, not trying to judge it, categorize it, or change it.   Being open to the joy of life as well as the sadness, all of it has a purpose. I had to stay open to everything it had to offer me.

I learned that living fearlessly is not about denying ourselves, it’s about living honestly, in the moment, not hiding from who we are.  It’s being fully awake, fully in the present moment a breath at a time for we are in a continuous process of BECOMING.

With endless gratitude for all your prayers, support and love.  When I had doubt, it brought me hope. When I was overwhelmed, it brought me courage and strength.  When I felt alone and scared,   it brought me comfort. A special thank you to my dog angel, who was my companion at a time when I needed one.  I learned that dog spelled backwards met God, knowing that, it brought peace into a chaotic environment.

Nepal – Completing my Mission

Dear friends,

It’s been quite some time since I updated you with a post and it seems that now is the perfect time. The pass three months I’ve been involved in many projects that kept me busy however very rewarding.  In my last project, I was in a remote village called Nalang and while taken some pictures damaged my iPad.   In the process loss all my stored information including all my pictures.  This of course brought tremendous sadness and yet within a few days I realized all of my experiences and memories will always be in my heart.

Once I returned to India, I was able to get it restored and found some pictures that I sent in emails.  So nothing is really loss, everything came together the way it should and of course all in God’s timing!!

Towards the end of May, I had an opportunity to go to Barpak, a  tiny villages clinging to the remote mountainsides of Gorkha District.  This was the area were the earthquake started which left so much devastation.  However, the death toll in many villages was far lower than feared, since many villagers were working outdoors when the quake struck at midday.  The children were also playing outside and not in the schools which was a blessings since all the schools was destroyed.

                    

Myself and two brothers made our way to the village and arrived after 12hrs of travelling on treacherous roads in a huge truck.  It took three transfers before the final arrival.  We brought rice, dale, sugar, oil, te biscuits, tarps. medicine, blankets, cloths, and lots of books, crayons, crafts things for the kids that also included candies.
Once we arrived, this is what we saw. I stayed for two weeks and came back with one brother, while the other continued his journey to help his grand parents.

             

One of the things that I heard from most of the villagers is how happy they were to be reunited with family.  Most of the families now all live together, supporting one another.  Here four families came together, twenty five people living in one area as a family.   Amazing!!

Here three families came together under this small temporary shelter.  To them it doesn’t matter how small or clutter it is, what matters is the family, they are all together now.  Knowing everyone is safe brings much comfort.

While the man cleaned up the area, worked daily to restore what was useful to build temporary shelters, it was obvious my contribution to the village was the children.  I started with 5 kids in the beginning, just coloring with them, singing and teaching them English.  This of course spread among the village very quickly and each day more kids came and eventually I was with 55 kids.  Daily, we read, played games, colored, did crafts, laughed so much.

Parents and grandparents started dropping off their kids before going to the fields and the children and I had so much fun.  Keep in mind, I didn’t speak Nepali and they didn’t speak English but with kids, it doesn’t matter, we found a way and it was wonderful.  Each day I learned a new Nepali work and they English, I was so grateful for this opportunity and the gift of LOVE from all of us.

       

♥

In June we were approached by a family for some help.  Their daughter suffer from kidney failure, undergoes dialysis daily and due to the earthquake now lives under a tarp near polluted water which is so dangerous for her condition.  We visited the family and decided we could help the.

       

 

Above is her home.  We eventually got a a good tent for her family and built a toilet in a safe environment.  A close friend who worked in a clinic, had contacts with many wonderful Dr.’s and through her contacts we were able to get a free bed in the hospital and a free kidney transplant operation.  Her mother will be the donor.   We were able to get her sister a job and this will help the family meets some of their needs.  Our donation helped her get daily dialysis she required to survive.

♥

The next project touched me on a personal level.  Between Nepal and China, there is a beautiful village that was completely destroyed due to an avalanche caused by the earthquake.  The road to china is still closed and will take time to clean and re-open.

The people from this village had to come down to safety.  Now imagine, some of them have never been in cities, this would be the first time to Kathmandu. It was very hard to find land for them, since most was taken by refugee camp, however, these people had two chicken coup on this small land and gave it to them to use at a minimal fee which is covered by donors.

When I arrived, I was really taken by the whole situation for this consisted of 400 people, 200 were children.   They cleaned up the chicken coop and moved in, this became their home.  I was amazed how cleaned it was and how organized each section was.  This consisted of four cast, each area had their section, along with a toilet. I brought the usual rice, dale, sugar, oil. medicine, tarp and blankets for the families.

   

 

A little nursery school was created for the kids and the older kids were all placed in local schools.

Seven women were pregnant, one just had a baby and two were to give birth within a couple of weeks.  This of course caused a little stress since they were not prepared and had nothing to welcome their babies.  I gathered the women and

  

I really wanted to do something for the moms, so I put together little bundles of joy for them so they can feel ready and welcome their new baby with love. They were so happy, I had tears of joy.

      

♥

Nepal had a huge music fest, an all day event with over 20 bands.  All the money was going towards Earthquake relief, this was an amazing event.  Let’s just say I survived!!

  

The music was amazing, they played all the
music I grew up on.  OK, so now you know my age!!  Led Zeplan, Pink Floyed, Supertramp, John Lennon, mostly English songs.  It was a wonderful way to release tension, emotions from all my experiences and be in total joy.  All of us needed that release and experience fun, after surviving such devastation and chaos that left you also shaken.  After awhile you get empty, its important to take a break and refill yourself with joy, laughter and pure fun without worry.  It reminded me that I had a life, I also needed to enjoy it!!

♥

After the concert, I took a few weeks off.  I rested, mediated, waled around the temples, and reconnected with just Being. When I became ready to do another project, I really wanted something that was creative, fun for I needed a break from seeing devastation.

So I did my usual thing, went for a walk to the temples and did a puja and asked Spirit to bring me something fun, creative that I can really enjoy and let it go!!  A few days later, I was walking in the area and saw a crowed lined up and that’s when I noticed “Curry Without Worry”, a program to feed the homeless, how perfect!!

      

   

       

I learned how to make pouri, masala and had a chance to go this huge market to get all we need. We feed 300-350 people every Tuesday evening.  We spent the day preparing and we would go near the temples I walked to set up our kitchen. I did this for two months, eventually when people saw me on the street, they would say ” Namaste, “Curry Without Worry” and give me this huge hug. Everything that we do in love comes back 10 times more, it could be as simple as a hug. Only God knows how much I need hugs ……

  

The founder who is playing the drum was a local, he has been doing this for 10 years.  Every Saturday, we would go to a local temple and clean the area, giving the message by action only how important to keep the temples clean.  Eventually people did get the message and the area became cleaner.

♥

Eventually the camp called me back and asked if I could help another refugee camp in a different location. Of course, I said yes.  By then, I had run out of funds but amazingly had met Bonsai who had funds left and was looking for a project.  Its always amazing how the Universe has a bigger plan and will bring the right people together to bring the people, an environment, a situation everything it needs to survive.

         

We brought rice, dale, tea, sugar, oil, toothpaste, tooth brush, hand and dish soap, dry noodles, biscuits and of course, crayons, books, pencils and coloring books for the kids. We looked after 52 families in this area.  Once we set up 52 families with all their stuff, they came in one at a time to pick it up and this gave us an opportunity to personally connect with them.  Again, another moment that leaves you so breathless, filled with humbleness and joy.

In the end, the village gave us a white scarf which is a very honoring thing to receive.

♥

My last project in Nepal was the “Toilet project”.  I was approached by a local for help in their village.  This village had 37 families and needed toilets and water dispensers since the water was contaminated and left them with diarrhea.  I managed to get 72 donated water dispensers that filtered the water and enough for each family to receive one from a guy named Angel.  Can you believe it!!  Honestly, God was working on my side through each projects, challenges and opportunities.

   

Bonsai donated enough money to purchase 6 toilets that would also consist of walls, septic tank and all the pipes needed to make this happen.  The engineers came with us to the village to install the first one and the village was responsible to do the rest.

                   

After this project, I rested and took time for myself.  I knew it was time for me to pull out and hand over the lead to someone else.  I was ready to go back to India and continue my journey.  This is when I applied for my Visa and was granted another three months to India, the mother land.

Below is a beautiful message I saw when riding on a bike.  A great sigh and reflection of the Nepali people whom I found so dear, strong, tremendous endurance, so adaptable, kind hearted, and the poorest of the poorest always willing to give you what ever they have left me so humbled and at times with no words as tears would fall down my chick.

Nepal continues to experience earthquake, after shocks that I know personally will take a long time to overcome.  But we must all go on, life is waiting for us..

♥

I am currently in Kasiadih, India, a small Indigenous village with Santhal people.  I am staying with three nuns who have devoted their life to missionary and have taken me in for mentoring.  How wonderful and lucky I am.

With endless Gratitude to those who donated, it supported many of the projects I was involved in.  As Brenda McRow would say, my Heart Bows Down to YOU!!

kathmandue – a second trimmer

As many of you know by now, we have experienced a second trimmer in Nepal.  I thought living through one in this life time was amazing but never thought I would go through two of them in such a short time.

Fortunately, yesterday was a rest day for us and at the time of the trimmer, we were seating in the lobby and quickly moved under the safety beam until everything stopped shaking.  Then we ran out to the Darby Square to meet everyone else there, just like we did the first time around.

I recognized similar faces that I connected with from my previous experience and an immediate comfort came over when we made eye contact.

To be honest, I was scared just like everyone else and when I arrived at the open square, I also started crying in dis-belief that we were going through this again.  I only started sleeping comfortably the pass week without my cloths or shoes on and now I’m back to sleeping with all my gear just in case!!!   I was worried not having my passport on me and when things settled, I went back in to get that, flashlight, water, granola bars, candies and an extra shirt.  It’s amazing how quickly we go back into survival mode or is it because we were never completely relaxed, there was always this nervousness that made you be more alert then usual.

Will this ever change or will we now encompass this reaction into our consciousness and this becomes the new way of being???

This is all new to me, to many of us even the Nepali people have not experienced such devastation in one life time.  Some have experienced very light trimmers but most of the stories come from the elders.  I guess it  leaves me with many stories to share with my grandkids but what is different is the pure fact that something like this does not happen in Canada, a country that seems to be so safe or is it??

It doesn’t take a sciencist to see that something is changing our climate, our weather and the glaciers.  Could it be the ozone, the green belt like they say or maybe something deeper that we are not aware of yet?  Just the thought of it makes me feel vulnerable!!  After a trimmer, you could feel the earth also known as Gaia gently move, it’s very suttle.  Even today, the day after, she has not settled yet, there’s a sense of restlessness and when I’m still I can feel her which reflects what is happening inside me.

No one knows what the future holds but this experience forces you to be in the moment. How we respond is the key to not only survive but to process this whole experience.  We don’t have to be heroes but many are  doing heroic things from a pure impulse to save humanity. Sometimes it brings part of ourself out such as courage and strength in a profound way in which we never knew we had.

They say we grow the most through pain, loss and devastation but how much does one need to go through to grow?   Although the human spirit is stronger than we realize, I also wonder how far can we be pushed before we breakdown?  Would we recognize the difference?

As I continue my journey here in Nepal, I often find myself reflecting.  Maybe this is what happens when your own mortality is threaten, you start to question things and wonder about life?  Am I in the right place?  I’m I doing what makes me happy?  Do I live a life that expresses who I truly am?  Do I even know who I am to begin with and what moves me in a certain direction when I’m in discernment?  Again, all things that come up or reflect when we are tested beyond our understanding.  Maybe this is exactly what was needed to move me on the path that has been calling me for a long time, only time will tell.

One  thing is for sure, I will stay as long as it is safe for me to continue my journey here in Nepal.  Eventually, I will need to leave to continue my mission in India. But I know already, it will be very hard for me to leave a country that has fully embraced me, has open their heart to me and let me into a deep place that has not only touched me but transformed me into a more compassionate, loving human being.

The gifts are endless and will continue to unfold and show itself to me in my life time.

In the meantime, we will continue to help and do our very best in supporting those in need.  Below is two villages we supported and saw the last couple of days.

The first village below was the first to receive electricity in Nepal.  It was over 100 years old with full of history.

Over ninety percent of the village is gone now, leaving many homeless.

   

       

  

  

Watching this little angel filled me up with deep emotions

     

      

     

This town had no water, the French military from France was there to distribute water and we were able to help them.  It was hard to see all the people running togethe truck to get their portion which was 2 per person only

I was invited to someone’s home and was honoured to go.  I had to walk through debris, walk through a field that was growing beans to arrive at a hello tarp.  She had a bed for her and her husband and one for her two boys.  A small table with two pots to make dinner.  It was a profound experience that left me emotional.

           

This women was in shock, sat there just starring at her house that was totally crumbled.  She was in total despair and in numbness.  I sat beside her and we both sat and looked at the house together.  Again, emotions came over me and I struggled to keep inside. There was no need for words, the shared silence spoke profoundly.

    

I had the opportunity to go by bike to drop of some tarps to a village close by and at the same time I was able to walk around and identify the need for some families.  We will be helping them by bringing food and more shelter.

 

 

As you can see from above, it will take time to rebuild the village but hopefully by working together, we can rebuild the community.

Kathmandue – Life after devastation

How does one move on after such devastation and disruption in your daily life that leaves you vulnerable, scared and even hopeless?  The last couple of days, I’ve been walking around my neighboorhood and found so many signs that life was coming back, in fact every day more and more signs are shown which amaze’s me.

A true testimony to the human spirit, how resilient we truly are and with determination and courage, we can overcome so many obstacles in life.

However, when our survival instinct is tested and pushed beyond our limitations, we can see a side that is only shown when facing such challenges, even the kindest and compassionate spirit has a limit to what they can handle.  This is something I also experienced and I felt ashamed at my reaction at times but realized when reflecting back that I am no different then what I witness. I am also affected by the environment and our situation.

I took some time to meditate recently and what came to my awareness was a recent post I shared on vulnerability.  At that time, I was struggling with vulnerability and the gifts I gained only came once I surrended to it.  This was a reminder to me to surrender once again to my vulnerability and everything it has to teach me in this experience for it is mirrored to me daily when we go around to the villages and provide support in the communities.  Their ability to be present with their vulnerability, to be open to share it as well as receive the support and help is a wonderful testimony to who they are.

As I walk among them, I am aware of my own vulnerability and it is becoming more my friend and a teacher versus something that I am trying to hide from or deny.

The last couple of days I’ve been feeling irritated but most of all emotional. As we continue  to support the community on a daily practice, I realized I wasn’t given myself enough time to process, to embrace everything I am being shown which at times feels overwhelming.  I felt the volcano of emotions build up and I was not taking the time to release it until this morning when I got an email from my youngest daughter and the message she sent was what I needed to hear.

I was reminded to meditate and take the time to come back in and after I did, I found myself spending the time with a wonderful Buddhist.  He helped me go beyond the irritation which was hiding the overwhelming emotions I’ve been carrying from all the suffering I’ve seen the pass few weeks. I find my path continues to take me back to the Buddhist teaching which is all about understanding suffering which also encompass compassion, kindness and love.  In the end, my heart was filled with peace, compassion and love again from the emotional release.   It’s amazig what sharing can do, we don’t have to carry the load alone,  there is always someone willing to share it with you.  We just have to be open.

We continue to support the small communities in remote villages, their sincere appreciation and genuine gratitude leaves you filled with love.

Below are signs things are getting back to normal.  You can get fresh vegetables and fruits every day, one of the blessings of being here.  Each day more stores are opening up, streets are getting busy again with activity and people

       

Scenes from my neighboorhood

  

        

          

People everywhere including the city is cleaning up and making things safer

 

While travelling to the villages, we get to see Nepal and it’s beautiful views and scenery that will forever stay in my memory.  Despite the devastation, Nepal is so beautiful.

   

   

We continue continue to support the local villages and bring food, water, tarps for shelter, biscuits and med’s.  One of the bedrooms has become a warehouse as we buy in bulk which is much cheaper.

On our way to a new location

   

   ,

  

They were waiting for us.  Once we unloaded, they lined up to get their share and the kids lined up to get a juice box. It was so touching to witness and it takes everything in me at times to hold my emotions in.

  

   

  

Another location

  

  

This mission was more personal for he lives in the guess house and the owners look after him.  In his village, there was much devastation and his family loss their home.  After bringing three vehicles full of food and things they needed, we were not able to deliver to the village since the road was so bad.  We waited in another part of the village until we could find a truck and hire them to deliver to the village.  With pure determination, this was fulfilled.  It was a wonderful feeling to be able to help him and support him in a way that he can support his village.  As you can see from his expression, he is overwhelming with everything that is happening

                

On this day, we went to threes locations and on the way I saw the following two messages which was so profound “Transform Yourself” and ” Open Heart”  this really resonated with me as a friendly reminder, just in case I forgot!!!   Lololo

    

   

    

  

    

Most of the  of the places we go, they like to show us around so we can see the damage caused by the earthquake. We usually do this once we arrive, then unload.  As we were walking  around, we happen to walk through someone having a moment and taking a shower.  I felt so bad for him, it felt so invasive and I felt his complete vulnerability as he was exposed.  As I walked by, we made eye contact and I apologized for coming through.  Although we didn’t speak the same language, I sense he understood what I was saying from my gestures.

               It makes you reflect and wonder how would we be in these circumstances?

Getting ready for two location

             

On our way to one village,  we followed  a personal request that came to me from someone I met in India.  Although she works here in kathmandue, her village was really affected and the road closed.  The only means to go to the village is to track 7-8 hours on foot to get there, something we couldn’t do.  However, we supported her with food, medicine and noodles to bring to her village and gave her some funds to help her with the cost.  She was very happy with our generous help and will be supported by her village to bring the goods to them

     

   

   

The look on their face makes your heart melt with pure gratitude for the opportunity  to help.  Please know YOU are making a difference with your donations.

Another location

     

A new mom with her baby boy  called Maya who is only 26 days old

I always seem to gravitate towards the kids, when I get a chance to hold them, kiss  them and love them, I feel I am also sending that love to my own grand kids whom I miss dearly

   

This is a washroom, imagine!!!!  No water, flushing or        toilet paper

    

   

Nepali people are very small as you can see from the door.  Their homes are small

On the 13th day, a light ceremony was created to honour those that passed.  It was a beautiful thing to be a part of.

My intent is to continue to support were ever I can until it is time for me to leave and go back to India.    We now have electricity back, Internet but most importantly hot water.  When I took a hot shower for the first time since the earthquake, it felt like such a privedge, a true gift and I so enjoyed that shower.

With endless gratitude for your  continued prayer, love and support

Manon

kathmandue – Surviving the Earthquake

Dear friends,

First and foremost, a huge thank you for all your prayers, support and love, it has been the Essence  that has kept me strong through this whole experience.

I am so proud of my kids for their support in going to the media, creating a donation fund and keeping you all informed of my well being. A profound thank you to my mom as well for being there when I needed her the most and helping me release my fears.  Since I have no access to media, Internet, and very little service for the phone, I was not aware for days what was happening at home.

Below is a quick version of my experience

The first few days, I was in fear of my own life just like everyone else. All I wanted to do was connect with my kids and my mom to let them know I was safe and not injured but could not due to lack of service. I was in total numbness and shock until night time came and we were all in the square in the dark, that’s when all my emotions, my fear came out and I had my first melt down when I was talking to my mom. When I spoke with my kids, I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive this experience and all I wanted them to know is how much I love them, how honoured I was to be their mom and the most important thing for me, was for them to keep the family strong, love eachother, forgive when ever it is needed, be the aunt and the uncle to eachother kids, live a life in joy, kindness and compassion to all and most of all, know how much you are loved by me. This is the only thing I said when I first reached them with of course tremendous emotion, fear and unbelievable disbelief of what was happening around me.

By the third day, I ended up with severe vomiting  and diarrhea and was completely out of commission for two days, not conscious of what was really happening around me. By the fifth day, I felt so much better and now I am fully recovered and into service for Nepal.

Due to lack of Internet and limited time, I have tried to captured the best I could of my experience, the pictures alone will tell the story.  Just to give you an idea, this post with pics took four days due to no access.

The couple of days prior, I felt uneasy, a little anxious and couldn’t understand why. In the morning when I woke up, things felt different, I had fear, overwhelmed sadness and felt very anxious, again I couldn’t understand why. I decided maybe going for a walk it would help release the energy, so I got ready and went out to walk. I usually walked every day looking for a new root to find a new adventure and the end it always brings me back to the famous Darbur square.

That morning I found a route that brought me to the back of the temple, I notice many people going in and seating in it and thought maybe there was some kind of chanting going on so I went in to find a blood clinic. I was surprised and thought I would stay to look around and see how they run things compared to ours but within 5 mins or so I started feeling uncomfortable in the temple and decided to leave. As I walked by the next one, I saw many seating and people watching and I have wanted to do that from the beginning and felt that morning it was the right time, in fact, felt pulled to seat there. I sat there and instantly started to pray, letting God know how I’m feeling and not understanding why, asking him for clarity and guidance and protection. As I continue to give my life in service, I asked for grace, to provide me with courage and strength to fulfill what ever He has called for me for at this time for it wasn’t clear to me what my purpose in kathmandue was. At that moment, I was confused as to my journey in katmandue for the two volunteer agencies I planned to volunteer time with things were not unfolding the way they usually do. I now better understand, for my purpose here was and is so much more than I ever imagined.

On the steps, I called upon Arch Angel Michael for protection, to continue to keep me safe in my journey. I only sat for maybe 10 or 15 min when I felt a huge urge to leave, in fact as I walk down I almost fell from the rush of coming down. I made my way back to the guess house which met having to go through the Darbur square to reach La Casa lodge and when I went to my room I felt uncomfortable and had the urge to go the terrace on the roof. Within 5 to 10 min everything started to happen.

At first I thought it was some kind of plane that went by and we could feel the tremble but then it didn’t stop, I was then on the ground and couldn’t get up and I realized this was an earthquake. The energy became more intense and when I looked up the building in front of me was really shaking, I could see a huge crack forming and the roof came down. Dust was everywhere, on the other side, the back of a whole building went down, the noise, the rumble, the shaking was overwhelming and although it may have lasted a couple of minutes it felt like forever. An unbelievable feeling, like you are dreaming, it’s not really happening, you are going to wake up any time and it will be over.

But it wasn’t!! We were in shock, the fear was overwhelming and making me feel sick to my stomach, when it stop moving, we quickly went down the stairs, stopped at every floor to make sure everyone was ok and encouraged them to leave the building.

As we ran out, the owner Sampanna told us to go to the square, the open space where it would be safe. We went there as everyone else and as we arrived we could see all the damage around us that was caused from the earthquake. It wasn’t over, after shocks continued and each time filling us with fear, anxiety, and when it was over you could feel the atmosphere of fear, the silent friend that prevents us from breathing, that gives you anxiety, tightness in your chest which would build up as we waited for the next after shock to come.

Each day followed with new problems, continued aftershocks and very little rest for many of us. The aftershocks can still be felt at night, the reason I’ve had a hard time to sleep.  I actually sleep with my cloths on, shoes, a flashlight and my visa just in case I have to run fast.  Last night was the first time I slept a longer period which was due to exhaustion, I just surrendered to my fatigue and ask God to protect me while I was sleeping and I woke up this morning to sunshine and hot water.  What a gift!!

The pictures below will will tell the story.

  

The above pictures are taking from my bedroom window, this is what I saw falling Around me from the terrace

  

A view from the front.  Our building is safe since it was built by the code.  However those attached are at risk and as you can see, they put reinforcement to stabilize the structure.  Please don’t worry, I am safe in my building

below is the Darby square, the only open space that was safe for all and the first place we ran to

 

 

  ‘

Dust was everywhere  and created when they were digging and looking for survivors.

Above is where I was, 15 mins prior to the earthquake.  You could see the steps I was seating on and praying, asking for protection, guidance and clarity.   Below is the path I took to the two temples. One of them totally collapses, this was the one that held the blood clinic.

  

We are now going into our first night sleeping in the square.  The nights are completely in darkness, we still are, electricity in my area has not returned yet.  To be honest, I feel the most vulnerable at night, I know this will take time ..

 

   

During the day, we had to get umbrellas to protect ourself from the sun and eventually the rain. By the third day, tarps came out and the square village was really unfolding

  

  

Below are wood cheeps, the most valuable real estate. We sleep on them versus the cement.  If you left without your property, it was gone. People would put there foot on them to make the claim, others always had someone there to protect it

    

Eventually they brought water containers to use

  

the first night I slept in the square, I was filled with fear and this dog just appeared out of no where and has been my friend ever since.  Although it is a wild dog, it is loving and very gentle, it seems to always find me in the amazing places, especially when I’m scared.  I called him Angel, to me his been my guardian angel.  Most recently, he found my lodge and came right in the house. Amazing!!

  

People are are ligned up for food.  They receive according togethe size of the family

    

 Our Mission

what started out with three people or so has now become a rescue team. We go to remote locations in the valleys and provide food, tarp for shelter, water, med’s and mask.  Our team consist of volunteers, some from the Nepal Red Cross and countless of donators such as yourself who have provided financial help to allow us to obtain what is needed.  Our beautiful chef we call uncle, cooks for us and make sure we have food when we return

I personally overlook at what is bought with the money, where it is spent and personally go to the locations with the team to deliver.  At times, the areas are very dangerous, trenturous as we track among the devastation, use the goat trails to reach different camps were families are in need.  Below are the pics.

        

Above we were discussing the locations and how to get there

  

We are now moving through to the camps

  

      

The above historical village is in the valley of a mountain, three hundred homes collapse and only 16 people died.  The families were out farming at the time and those held back were some elders, young children and mothers.

Above is the location were they cremated the 16 bodies found.  May the Angels of comfort be with the families as the grief their loss.

Another location

  

I am very involved and always know what the money is being spent on and the locations that is in need.

   

The army helping to find people in the debris

Getting ready for another location

  

  

  

  

The Nepal villagers were so happy, filled with gratitude for our help and generous donation

Treasured Moments I captured

  

Below are Beautiful views in Nepal I captured on my way to different locations

  

  

  

There is much poverty in Nepal, this earthquake has created more devastation, more proverty.  Nepal was known for the beautiful historic temples, filled with history that brought many tourist and trackers to their beautiful country. Now that the major temples are gone, will the tourist come back! It will take time to rebuild this country but the temple and the history will be loss forever. The devastation and loss is not only for the homes, the people but also the history and the historical factors.

One of the things I noticed and admired when walking through the villages is the people, although they had nothing they had such beautiful hearts, so open. They are the genuine Nepali of the mountains, pure, filled with humility and integrity.  Even if their villages was totally gone, they thought of others higher in the mountain that needed more of our help. So amazing!!

Although I feared my own life in the beginning, confused as to why I was here and what gods plan for me was in kathmandue has now become more clear.  I am no hero, just an individual who was on a journey doing humanitarian work, a deep calling that I could no longer ignore. I am so deeply grateful for the opportunity to help, I do feel God is working through me in so many ways and I am blessed with his love, guidance, protection but most of all Grace.

My plan is to stay for another month or more before I re-enter India and go in the North and meet my next contact before coming home at the beginning of October.

With endless Gratitude for your love, continued prayers and support

Although I am very grateful for all your emails, please remember I have little access and I’m not able to respond but will when I can.  I thank you in advance for your understanding.  I will do another post when I can.

Darmalaya – Silent and Meditation Retreat

After Mysore, I was looking forward to a silent retreat. Although my daily practice includes some meditation and yoga, this is a wonderful way to give yourself permission to fully come back inside and rest.

Being in silence away from all distraction moves you into a different edge, the edge that is formed before transformation. Sometimes, we aren’t aware of our edge, it’s disguised in anger, frustration, confusion and irritation which are all things that bring doubt. But it’s that energy that is needed to bring you beyond this point, the place of expansion, the new place of awareness that is filled with new knowledge and insight to help you move forward.

The second night here, it rained and it got cold and damped. I couldn’t get warm and I was sleeping on the floor on a mattress and could still feel the cold on my back. The next morning I couldn’t stand up straght, I was in a lot of pain. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to do chi gong and missed some meditation for I spent a few days in bed resting. Guilt came over me for being in bed and I felt a little disconnected at times for not participating in all the programs. This was my edge!!

I felt vulnerable and for the first time since I’ve been in India, I wondered if I could continue. If I don’t get better, who is going to carry my backpack? Who is going to look after me? What if I am not strong enough? I felt like I loss control and that left me more vulnerable and scared.

How comfortable are we with vulnerability? I was in a place that I needed help, nurturing and support, how easy is it to ask for help? Does it make you feel weak or empowered? It seemed the Dharma talks always reflected what was happening inside me, no accident I am sure? I was reminded that compassion is not only for others but also includes ourself.

This was the beginning of my journey to becoming whole and complete again. I accepted the offer of a massage that was given with such love. Slowly each day I nurtured myself, followed my own practice of yoga and eventually was able to go back into the program. Shortly after, I was able for the first time walk out into the woods and the gratitude I felt for this opportunity left me overwhelmed. I sat on the ground surrounded with old pine trees and felt such comfort coming from them which helped me release some of the emotions that was stuck.  In that moment I was able to surrender fully into my vulnerability and accept the gifts from this whole experience.

Meditation

I wanted to do meditation for years and only now have a better understanding of my resistance, for in meditation we invite the pain. The stillness allows us to feel it, how can we feel when we keep ourself busy?

We are never encouraged to see clearly what is, with gentleness. We are always trying to be better than we already are and work hard on improving ourselves in order to get away from our pain. Meditation is about seeing things more clearly, such as our body, our mind, our life, our relationships and the people in our lives. It’s seeing how we react to all these things and seeing how our emotions and thoughts are in this moment, not in the pass nor the future but in this moment.

It’s not about making things go away but more about understanding them with a gentleness approach, fully experience it, then and only then can you let it go. Have you ever noticed despite how miserable we are at times, angry, unhappy, worried, frustrated, bitter or sad, the sun keeps shining, the birds keep flying, the flowers continue to open to the sun each morning which tells me, life just goes on. How can we do the same?

By a simple practice of being aware of my thoughts, my mind and action, I am learning where ever I am, I’m in the middle of a sacred circle and what ever comes into my circle is there to teach me.

Meditation begins to open your life so your not caught up in the drama, worries and concerns and just wanting your life to go your way. We loose sight of our sacred circle when we are loss in our limitations, pain, desires and fears that blind us from the beauty around us. The more you open your heart and make friends with your inner circle, this will reflect in your outer circle in all aspect of your life.

Everything in our life will either wake you up or put you asleep. Living in the now helps you see a different perspective. After a few days, I was seating at the edge of the cliff having a tea and the view was breath taking. I could feel the vastness around me and I felt my mind and my heart open even more to the space that presented itself to me. I realized there is so much more out there and all I need to do is let go and I will find the same space within me.

Part of being human is to feel discomfort, why do we resist? Fear of change? When we resist, life becomes more of a struggle. When we surrender, the flow moves effortlessly.

Out of fear to life we basically put up a wall, blocks that say no to life. When we start to see how we hold back, how we pull away , how we shut down or close off, the only way out is to open. This is the edge of your sacred circle, what has come in, what is at the edge is there to help you grow, help you become more open, help you to become more self realized, help you to become more conscious by waking you up!

Life will push us to our edge, one edge will be different then someone else’s, what’s important is understanding when you arrive at your edge, so you can go beyond it. That’s where things start to happen, you start to question things and for the first time become alive, fully in your life. Meditation tends to bring you closer to yourself, therefore closer to your edge .

“To know yourself or study yourself is to forget yourself, and if you forget yourself then you become enlightenment by all things” Zen master Dogan

The question then is.. How do we work through the edge? How do we get pass the fear, our reaction to freeze or close up? How do we move into the unknown? In my experience, with gentleness and kindness towards self. When we acknowledge our fear, realize we are shutting down, frozen and scared, we are in awareness therefore, say no to your limitations and breath and slowly move forward into your edge, where your friend is, so you can then say yes to life and bring joy, love and much deserved happiness. This is the journey of awakening..

When I sit with the uncomfortableness, it eventually softens me back into my heart, where compassion lives and I am transformed into a new dimension.

Fear is a way of protecting your heart, this reminds me of a turtle, how the outer shell protects its softness. India has given me the opportunity to open my heart even more by letting go of the shield and protection that I created around my heart over the years from being hurt, experiencing painful lessons and realizing I was still holding on to some of it. Working with the palliative team allowed me to be so unconditional and this is where the shield started to melt off, there was no longer a need to protect myself in this environment that needed so much love. When we are soft and tender just like the turtle, we protect ourself in ways we don’t understand and I believe it’s more subconscious.

Unless we open up and let go, eventually our protection works against us in ways that continue the suffering. One of the obvious example that comes to me is the inability to allow someone to come to close to us, just in case we get hurt. This held true for me for a long time after my last relationship and although I thought I was ready over the years I now see my heart was not open. Just like the turtle, I am slowly coming out and moving forward with ease.

Sometimes I felt my heart was in a bird cage, coming out when it’s safe and going back in just as quickly as it came out when it felt unsafe. Although I thought I was protecting myself, I now see it was a trap not only to myself but to others as well.

It takes a lot of courage to move through our edge but courage is there waiting for you like a friend. Which encompass the qualities of gentleness and openness, we are able to let go and open up. It’s the willingness to let your heart move through a variety of experiences that will help it expand. As I look around and see bees going from one flower to the other, they move with ease without fear to remove the pollen and out of this practice, they create this beautiful sweet golden liquid we call honey.

The buddith calls this Bodchicitta which means “awaken heart or courageous heart”

Meditation is also a process that helps us remove all the obstacles, the barriers, our protective shield that covers our wisdom, our knowledge and our truth. So take a moment and on the next in breath, are you are willing to go into your pain and explore the discomfort? and on the out breath, are you are ready to let it go, become open and invite joy, tenderness, new beginning, and a new sense of the moment?

The every day practice is simply to develop complete acceptance and openness to all situations, emotions and people. Pema Chodron

To my son

I am overwhelmed with the awareness that I am only beginning to understand the challenge you had when you came back from Australia. I remember clearly the day I saw you after two years being away, it was a wonderful moment all mothers can appreciate knowing you are back home and safe. Now things can go back to normal!! So far from reality but I didn’t have the awareness of that back then, I was just a mom happy to see her son back.

When I think of coming home, I get some wave of anxiety, the thought of coming back to an old life, a life I no longer connect to and it’s only been four months. Yet, the impact of my journey has already changed me in ways that I can see, some that is obvious but a deeper more profound change that is still unfolding is yet to be seen but is felt in some doses when I am in stillness. How does one go back and just pick up the pieces and move forward after you have been totally transformed from your experience, almost impossible!

So many things I didn’t understand then but now have more clarity and it makes my heart filled with sadness of the realization that I truly didn’t understand your struggles with entering back into your life back home. I thought if you were home, that’s all you would want. In fact that alone would make you happy but I was so wrong, so ignorant from lack of understanding until now. I now see you stayed home much longer than you should have and maybe out of respect and love you sacrificed yourself to make it work.

At times, I could see this inner sadness, this inner struggle that left you feeling trapped but I couldn’t understand why. I also now understand, leaving was the thing you needed to do to save yourself and the new found freedom of your soul you had discovered.

It takes so much courage to go but even more courage to re-enter back into your life and merge the old and the new. I can’t even begin to fathom how I’m going to do that, for the mother, the daughter, the teacher, the student, the neighbour and all the other roles I played until now seems so far away, like another life time ago. I can’t even relate to that person and yet do not fully know the one emerging.

I admire you more now than ever for your silent courage, strength and the knowing of what was right for you even though it would cause pain. Please forgive me for not understand you and not being able to properly support you in your transition. The difference is, I know you will be there for me and will understand my challenges and we can have the conversation we never had.

I look forward to our sharing heart to heart and hearing what it was like for you and how your journey changed you. Please know I love you more today then I did yesterday and I will love you more tomorrow. I am profoundly grateful for your encouragement and pushing me to do this. The gifts are endless. Love Mom

I leave you all with the following thoughts:

May you be happy

May you find peace in your mind and in your heart

May you be loved

May you live your life with ease

Mysore, karnataka

Mysore is a wonderful city located South of India ancient city with more than 600 glorious years of legacy and is mainly famous for magnificent palaces, majestic temples and beautiful gardens. Apart from traditional silk and turbans, this 2nd cleanest city of the country of India attracts tourists for its rich culture and tradition as well as sandalwood products. It is also well known for yoga and Ayurveda.Mysore, being one of the major cities of India, is quite well-connected to the other parts of the country by road, rail and air transport system. The main language is Kannada, however, the other languages found are Tamil, Malayalam, Telugu and English

I love Mysore, it’s charm, the people and the food. I felt at home in this beautiful city and was comfortable travelling on my own. Arlthough Mysore is located in the South, due to its location, it is not as hot as Delhi which makes it easier to stay here during the summer season.

In Mysore you will find Swami Vivekananda Youth Movement (SVYM), the institution that was founded by Dr. Balusubramaniam which was based on Swami Vivekananda’s teaching. This is one of India’s leading development organization, that is divided in three ares:

Vivekananda Institution for Leadership Development (V-LEAD). This Institution is for the development sector, offering training to the youth, NGO’s, the Government and corporate sector.X They offer Masters Degrees, Post Graduate programs for the development sector. They offer scholarship programs as well as financial support.

 

Vivekananda Institution of Indian Studies (VIIS) was established for promoting and facilitating the study Indian culture such as Spirituality, Art, Music and Cuisine to Universities across the Globe.

Grassroots Research and Advocacy Movement (GRAAM) is an organization that research issues faced by communities and translate those into academic research questions for students to undertake and then advocates the material into useful public policy.

 

As I mentioned, the institution was built on Swami Vivekananda’s who was influenced by his guru, Ramakrishna. He learnt that all living beings were an embodiment of the divine self; therefore, service to God could be rendered by service to mankind

 

Each soul is potentially divine. The goal is to manifest this Divinity within by controlling nature, external and internal. Do this either by work, or worship, or mental discipline, or philosophy—by one, or more, or all of these—and be free.

This is the whole of religion. Doctrines, or dogmas, or rituals, or books, or temples, or forms, are but secondary details.   Swami Vivekananda

 

The more time I spent here, the more connected I became to the teaching. He was all about the people, service God through Dharma in action and I felt inspired by his mission.

Below are pics from my stay in Mysore which includes the volunteer work I did throughout my stay, the market, and some tourist area.

Below is views of Myrose, beautiful temples

 

 

Cows are every where even at the temples.

 

 

 

   

Tribunal school, on the right is the kitchen were they cook food for the kids

 

 

Tribunal Communities

  

We offer HIV Camp to the migrants, they are families that move around looking for work and stay for a short time in the area until the work is finished.  You will often find mothers with their kids but mostly man who travel around get infected and then infect the wife’s.  Very high risk community!!. These are free services which includes awareness, blood test and counselling

 

It took some time before the kids trusted me enough to take a picture of them.. Too cute!

 

 

 

The Government now understands the importance of educating the women for she will educate the family, the village and be the change for India.  Therefore, they provide free education to women to include skills to become a contributor to the family.  They come with their children and are given a place, shelter and support. They become street vendors, independent and happy

 

  

Visit with the street vendors.

 

Visited Mother Theresa’s Men and Women Shelter.  Most of the women of found on the streets abandon and the man as well.  They are all without families, here they are cared for and love

 

 

Tribunal home visits in the forest.

 

The small tent is a washroom.  Pics from the tribunal communities

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful sceneries that are breath taking

This is an Aunt hill but also a home for Cobras..  Lucky me, I never saw one

  

Women doing laundry, no machines, dryer or cloths line.  They lay things out on the grass.  She was carrying about 50kg very heavy, especially when it’s wet.

Below are common things seen throughout India which are strange to us but nothing for them

 

 

 

 

Below is a Medical Camp

 

 

Home Visits with the Palliative Team

 

 

First time eating fresh water coconut

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tribunal women at the market.  The other women is making indent.

  

Wild Elephants.  The one I’m touching is tamed

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Today was was my last day, saying goodbye was very hard for I have met so many wonderful people.

I leave you with the following thoughts…

With Love in service,

Manon

 

The Path towards my Mission

It’s been some time since I wrote a few lines and the last few days my heart has been yearning to write and share. When I first started to blog, I was so excited and wrote more often. I now I see myself following a natural rhythm that seems to be more fruitful.

The past six weeks or more I have been in Mysore which is located in South. I have been part of a palliative team from SVYM Mysore Center which include nurses, a counsellor and a variety of Dr’s that volunteer their time. The mission of the palliative team is to go out into the rural and small villages of the vulnerable sector and treat patients that have no means of getting care. They not only treat the chronic patients but also support patients with TB, HIV and cancer until the end of life.

 

Home visits

The visits include a variety of service such as a follow up, a new patient visit, checking the diabetic patients, managing wounds, small surgeries, removing tubes, changing catheters, counselling as well as managing Med’s and vitamins. If a patient needs an air mattress, back brace, wheel chair, walker and a cane all is provided for free. We often bring rice, chapati and cloths to offer to those that need a little extra. This is truly being in service for humanity for most of the patients we see are in very poor areas.

 

My role was very simple, I provide the patients with Reiki and therapeutic touch as well as Spiritual care. The main thing I brought with me was empathy and compassion. In home visits, I am often touched by what I see and all I want to do is give them love. A simple Namaste, smile and touch seem to bring such comfort not only in the patients but the family, the neighbours and community. Over time, the team started seeing the positive effects off not only my treatment but the benefits of my approach which was a new concept for them. They could see the reaction of the patients, the family and the community and started to understand how important touch was. It is from this experience everything changed for me.

From that moment, my journey moved more towards a mission which was recognized as “Healing through complementary treatment and better understanding the importance of touch” I was then asked from a senior Dr. To create a presentation for the medical students on this theory to expand theknowledge on “cure vs healing” which was a new approach to consider. This would include “wholeness ” healing on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.

I never dreamed my path would lead me to do presentations on these theory but it somehow all made sense to me. When I look back at my life and all the things I’ve done in my community the pass ten years, I feel the Universe was getting me ready for my life’s mission. The yearning to come to India was overwhelming, I could not ignore the call. Yet at the same time, I didn’t know what I was doing here, what my role was and my contribution was not define until now.

“Creativity involves breaking out of established patterns to look at things in a different way”     Edward De Bono

My first presentation was at a medical college, a class of about 150-200 students, as I stood there in front of the class, I realized my time here in Mysore was going to change for I was now birthing my Mission. God lead me that day and I spoke from my heart and this was felt by many.

I continued with the palliative team for the next few weeks and met amazing doctor’s and experienced endless opportunities that left me emotional at times but mostly humbled. During this time, people became aware of my abilities and often I would find myself doing treatments on students, teachers, Dr’s which lead me to teach a class on complementary treatments.

SVYM Mysore Center has two other locations that support the tribunal community. The Swami Vivekenada Memorial Hospital and the Tribunal School Viveka Tribal Center for Learning which are located in Sargur. I found myself more and more wanting to go there and again I could no longer ignore my heart so on the next mobile, I decided to go and see what was calling me. When I arrived, it was clear to me that I needed to spent time in this beautiful, small community that supports four tribes as well as the villagers.

“A truly creative person rids him or herself of all self-imposed limitations ”    Gerald G. Jampolsky

I was introduced to the director of the hospital who introduced me to her staff and nurses. While spending time together, it was clear the message of the mission would be a beneficial to this amazing hospital that provides community service with a humanitarian approach. Most of the doctors here, are here to be in service, to make a difference in the community. The tribal communities receive service for free while the villagers pay a lower fee compared to the large cities for the service rendered. This is truly a humanitarian approach which also fits my mission to India.

 

Tribunal Communities

I made the arrangements to come for a week and during this time I was able to present my new mission to all the doctors which was received with great appreciation. Every morning I would do rounds with the doctors and nurses and in the afternoon I would teach the nurses how to do complementary treatment. Some mornings, we did a bedside teaching which met we practiced the new modality on the patients. In the West this would not even be considered yet be possible but in the East they are very open to learning new methods and embrace foreigners with new approaches when they see a benefit. I have recently been advised the curriculum for the nurses will now include the emotional and spiritual side of the patient. This will be part of their SOP for all nurses.

“Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders and know you are the creator of your own destiny. All power is within you; you can do anything and everything. Believe in that, do not believe that you are weak. Stand up and express the divinity within you” Swami Vivekananda

 

Teaching complementory treatments to the nurses

My week also included a day visit to the tribunal school where I put together a presentation to include a team building exercise for the teachers, interns and staff. This turned out to be a wonderful experience for us all. This gave them a foundation they will continue to build on.

Within a week, I was able to contribute so much to this wonderful community, however, I learned even more. They welcomed me with open arms, saw the value in my contributions and the respect I gained was overwhelming. I saw myself becoming more and more my mission, my heart was filled with so much gratitude for the opportunity to be in service. My love towards God continues to grow, deepens and brings me in places within myself that leaves me so profound it is indescribable, intangible yet transformable.

Along the way I have met amazing people that took me in their heart and trusted me which has changed me in ways that I cannot describe. The more I grow spiritually, the more I see God and it’s perfection in everything around me which helps me to embrace proverty, the suffering as well as the beauty in all I see.

My time in Mysore is coming to an end, yet the lessons and the impact that it has made will stay with me forever. It will be hard for me to leave but I must continue and follow my heart for I hear the call, the silent whisper that pulls me towards my next experience. The breath is to strong to ignore, I must continue my journey for many other opportunities of growth and contribution are waiting…..

With Love in Service

What’s next…

Flying from Bangalore to Delhi to catch a train to Bir which is at the bottom of the himalious. I will be meeting some old friends I met in Anandwan and together we will be attending a silent and work retreat called Darmalya…